Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Randomize
