so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Randomize
