You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
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