apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Randomize
