Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
