so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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