How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Randomize
