Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Randomize
