my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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