he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
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