True but thats because hes a fetus.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Randomize
