I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
