New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Randomize
