Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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