i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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