If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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