This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Randomize
