the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
