You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
