did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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