Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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