I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Just invented taco cereal.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Randomize
