handjob tips. give me some.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
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