Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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