Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
