do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
