i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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