i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
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