We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
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