Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
