I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Randomize
