She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
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