Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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