Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Randomize
