MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Randomize