I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
