Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
