Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
