he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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