o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize