Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
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