Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
