I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Randomize
