Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Randomize
