Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
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