You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
