I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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