Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Randomize