i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
