omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
