That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
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