She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Randomize
