Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Randomize
