well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
