His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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