Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
it's great music for shaving your balls
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
