im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
