I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
