I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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