Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
