I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
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