cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
