I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
