worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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