everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
Randomize
