you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
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