I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Randomize
