Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Randomize
