I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Randomize
