we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
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