I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
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