my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
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